![**Wife [Widow] of a Wounded Marine**](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--HK8lkPcPko/TsXJsVUgviI/AAAAAAAAAm8/sJqiMTcSwBQ/s1600/Header-WWM.png)
1.) I had been flying all day.
2.) These holidays suck the life out of me. I just didn't have the energy to write anything.
On that note, I have a few things to say about yesterday.
I have a lot of Military people on my Facebook, which is awesome, but when military holidays come around it can be overwhelming. My newsfeed was flooded in red, white, and blue, names of fallen, and pictures of headstones. Every time I looked at it it took everything in me not to cry. Still, it makes me happy that people, most people, remember and know what the holiday is actually for.
Now, there is something that disturbed me a little and, really, has since last year. It seems to me that some people don't fully understand what Memorial Day is.
I started realizing last year when my friends and I went out and the place we went to was raising money for Wounded Warrior Project in honor of Memorial Day...
Does anyone else see the problem with this?
Lord knows I love all veterans, especially those who are wounded, but why would they be raising money for WWP on Memorial Day?
Also, I noticed a lot of people going out of their way to thank veterans for their service yesterday, which should be done every day and is cool, really, but Memorial Day isn't really for them. If you are wanting to go out of your way to thank someone, maybe rethink who you should be thanking. (Don't shoot me, just saying...)
For anyone who is unaware, Memorial Day is not for all veterans. That is what Veterans Day is for. Memorial Day is for those who have lost their lives. So when thanking people on Memorial Day, thank a widow, or a mother or father whose child died, or tell a veteran that you are thinking of their fallen friends - their brothers and sisters that are gone (on that day, I promise you they'll appreciate that more). Go to Arlington and lay flowers on the graves. Raise money for TAPS or AWP - organizations who help the families of the fallen. Remember the fallen that day, because the day is theirs. Please don't take it away from them.
I must throw this out there, too (I apologize ahead of time for a little rant.) There is nothing "happy" about the day, so to say "Happy Memorial Day!!" on your Facebook page is pretty offensive to the families. Sure it's a little touchy of us, but put yourself in our shoes. We don't expect you to say something spectacular about every man and woman who died, but to treat it as a fun holiday like Christmas or Halloween is just bothersome. While everyone else is saying, "HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY! HAPPY TO BE OFF WORK! HEADED TO THE BEACH!", we are holding back tears, flipping through pictures, and remembering our loved ones who were ripped away from us.This is a day of remembering and mourning for those of us who lost everything. Of course we go out and celebrate their lives, but to put a "Happy" in front of the day is inappropriate.
I say all of this not to be mean or offend anyone. I say it in hopes that people will be a little more sensitive to what the day really means for some. I also say it to make sure people know what Memorial Day stands for because it's important and, frankly, it's been annoying the crap out of me and the other widows. Don't downplay the day or take it away from those it is supposed to honor.
-Jimmy C. Kinsey II -
Born: June 27, 1984
Wounded in Ramadi, Iraq: April 1, 2006
Died: April 20, 2010
He was such a nerd. I miss that so much.
21 words of wisdom:
Well said. Very well said.
I agree, very well said. Memorial Day is to remember and pray for the fallen and their families...
I couldn't agree with you more and basically wrote a very similar post on my blog yesterday. It is like Americans still have such a huge amount of collective guilt over the way the Vietnam Vets were treated (you're too young to remember that tragedy) that at every opportunity they go out of their way to make it about Veterans. I agree w/you...Vets should be thanked every day. Memorial Day is to honor the Fallen...
I posted damn near the same thing yesterday.
THANK YOU for your post. I always read your blog but I have to say this one hit home for me. I was so upset yesterday and so was my Husband, the living have their day, and every day they're here to be thanked this is the one day where we should all come together for those who can no longer be thanked with the shake of a hand or pat on the back...
And I was very upset too to see all my friends saying Happy Memorial Day...Someone posted a picture you would have loved. It was a wounded Marine leaving a flag at the headstone of a fallen comrade. Under it, it read; "Memorial Day, in case you thought it was National BBQ Day."
Yesterday, I posted a comment on my Facebook about those lost stateside following injury or illness sustained in service, and was beyond annoyed when I saw several people taking it and making it about PTSD and the "loss of the lives we hoped to have". I wanted SO BADLY to write a big, huge, "STFU. Our husbands are **alive**. Today is not about them. Oh, and, PS: Not everything military-related needs to be about our families". I didn't say it - I have no good reason why. Fear of being ostracized from the only community I really belong to, I guess - but your words make me ashamed that I was so afraid. Thank you for saying this. Thank you for being a very necessary reality-check. Thank you for being more diplomatic than I could ever be. And thank you, *thank you* for sharing your husband's memory.
I agree with you. I'm sure my friends and family get annoyed with me each year, but I tend to point out what Memorial Day is supposed to be.
My husband is very uncomfortable with people thanking him on Memorial Day. I understand the intention, as does he, but that is NOT what the day is about. That has it's place on any other day, but this day.
I truly hope more people begin to understand. It's a serious disservice to those who have fallen.
My heart goes out to you and all who have lost family and friends in the defense of our country. You are absolutely correct that there is no place for "happy" in connection with Memorial/Decoration Day. But I fear that you have the US Government to thank for the current all too familiar perception of Memorial/Decoration Day. Changing the date of Memorial Day to give workers a three day weekend did much to distort the public's perception of exactly what Memorial Day is truly all about. With regards to thanking our veterans on Memorial Day, you are of course, technically correct Memorial Day is for remembering those who have made the ultimate sacrifice and yes, our vets should be thanked every day!....but if Memorial Day inspires people to thank current service members and our veterans well so be it - I, personally, am just pleased to see them acknowledged. Wondering if you know that....."Memorial Day, as Decoration Day gradually came to be known, originally honored only those lost while fighting in the Civil War."
You say - "This is a day of remembering and mourning for those of us who lost everything." As much as you miss your beloved husband, your life has gone on, as it should and must. Life is for the living. I rather imagine that you remember and mourn your husband at some point every day and I suspect that very few of the fallen men and women would object if Memorial Day inspired people to thank a current service person or veteran.
We ran for all our Fallen yesterday & I too reminded those who ran with us that it is not a "happy" day for most. I hope it sunk in but I am not sure. I hope that folks can learn from our Gold Star Families & we will see a change. I'm sure it will be slow but hopefully it will happen. Thank you for your post & your husband's service.
God. I could not agree with you more.
I posted on this last year all over FB and my blog and this year was no different. It honestly pisses me off to no end people act so stupidly about it. "HAPPY" Memorial Day is completely and utterly offensive to me and my husband wasn't killed in combat.
PS. Why must people post "alternative" thoughts under an anonymous name. That always bewilders the life out of me.
@Anonymous
...right.
Well, I "suspect" that you did one of the things I mentioned and you are the type to be offended instead of admit you are wrong.
I also "suspect" you used Anonymous because you are a coward.
A cowards opinions - especially when projected from their anus - are worthless to me.
To respond:
The fallen would never care if their comrades were thanked for their service. However, the living would rather you honor their friends who have died than feel awkward for receiving the honor on a day that is "technically" not for them.
Thanks for the history lesson. So, what you're saying is that an extremely long time ago it was for the fallen of one war, then more wars happened, and they changed it to all wars. How does that partain to all veterans again? It was always for the fallen - correct?
And this - "You say - 'This is a day of remembering and mourning for those of us who lost everything.' As much as you miss your beloved husband, your life has gone on, as it should and must. Life is for the living. I rather imagine that you remember and mourn your husband at some point every day" - brings to mind a five letter word that I will refrain from using.
Please stay away from my blog now.
@Shannon
Because they are cowards and opinionated and often know they are wrong.
To each his own!
Thanks for the support to everyone else! I hope you all understand that in no way do I feel veterans "shouldn't be thanked" on that day. Thank them that day and every day. I just feel that if someone is thanking someone in honor of that day, they should realize that the people to honor are the fallen and their families. Not sure why that concept is so controversial.
I 100% agree with you. I actually had a discussion with my BIL about this over the weekend. He said something along the lines of "well since it will be memorial day, you all are welcome." (he is a marine). I quickly corrected him and told him umm no that is what veterans day is for.
I did thank the veterans... I'm glad you posted this for those of us that didn't know. I'll most definitely be more sensitive next year!
I agree with everything you said. My husband (a veteran) and I had this conversation. I told him I didn't get the happy part in Memorial Day.
You always say it like it is, don't you? I have always admired that about you. I for one cannot argue with any of what you say.
Thank for for writing this, very well said! Thanks for traveling on your day of rembrance for me.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this. It is a difficult day and though I haven't lost anyone, I was on the phone with my brother crying as he remembered his fallen brothers while people were coming in and out of the museum enjoying their day off. It's not about the three day weekend, it's for national mourning and it's so important to not confuse the holidays.
Been out of the loop for a while and just now seeing this post... But AMEN!!!
It also bothers my husband when someone thanks him on Memorial Day. And the "Happy" bothers us, too.
To me this is like celebrating the day your mom died by going out and having a party. Happy Mom-Died Day! So glad I'm off work!" Um, no. It would be about respecting her memory. Sure, you might do some fun things with the family, but somewhere in there you would reflect and honor her memory. I have no problem with people expressing their love for freedom by getting together and having fun, because it's America and we CAN!, but not without realizing WHY we are able to do that in the first place.
And I understand about getting irked about WWP fundraising on that day. No, if anyone is going to benefit by the "timing" and "patriotic generosity", it should be those Gold Star and widow groups. That's just in bad taste in my opinion. You have 364 other days of the year to fund raise-- leave that one alone.
Post a Comment